Friday, August 9, 2013

7 Signs I May Not Be As Young as I Used To Be.

1.  My Beauty Regimen is Complicated.

I used to wash, use baby oil for moisture, go to bed.  Waken, Wash, put on Mascara and go.  Now my morning consists of washing, exfoliating (3 days a week), serum, brightening cream, eye cream, bb cream and eye makeup.  Evenings consist of washing, serum, eye repair cream, night repair cream and lots of prayers that the wrinkles miraculously go away by morning.

2.  The young kids running the newspaper decided to make the font on the crossword puzzle micro mini sized.

I was just completing the Sunday Crossword on Sunday of course, and realized that I need a  magnifying glass to read the font.  Even holding the paper up to my nose didn't help with some words.  WHEN did my eyes quit working right?

3.  Multiple Bathroom Trips

I go so frequently in the night that I don't even bother to turn the light on.  I woke up the other night sitting there on my regal throne , paper in one hand and wondering how long I had been passed out following my desperately needed trip there.  I couldn't make this crap up if I tried.

4.  Sneezing, laughing, coughing, and anything other than breathing calmly is your enemy

Okay, so while we are on the subject of potty breaks, let's just get all TMI with this post.  This ole mare, she ain't what she used to be, and neither is her bladder.  If you are late 30's, chances are you know what I am talking about without further explanation.  If you don't understand, be thankful-Very Very Thankful.  Still refusing to wear depends.  Just saying.

5. My kids looked at me like I have grown a 3rd eyeball when I sang all the lyrics to The Fresh Prince of Bel-air.  Then proceeded to say "WHO" when I mentioned Will Smith.  I feel sad for my kids.  Really, I do.

6.  The thought of spending the evening in an over-crowded, sweaty, smelly fire-trap club has as much appeal as the stomach flu.  Seriously, don't even bother to invite me-it ain't happening. I have officially retired my whistle and glow sticks. 

7.  And lastly, I know I am not as young as I once was because I dream of putting laxatives in my husband brownies every time he utters the words "it's all in your head" in regards to my all too frequent hot flashes. 

So, feel free to chime in with how you know you aren't as young as you used to be.  How about someone you know and love.  What are the signs they are growing a little older. 

17 comments:

  1. Right there with ya, friend. Right there sitting beside you with a frown on my face. :(

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    1. At least I'm not alone, although I do think that there are times such as when I'm having a hot flash that alone is better for everyone else :D

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  2. These are so true! Number 4 has made my life a challenge.

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    1. Number four is almost the worst, because you just know you are going to have to sneeze in public even though it's been days since you even felt the urge to. God definitely had a sense of humor when he developed the mid-aging woman's body!

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  3. LOL you are so funny! Unfortunately these are ALL true oh brother...oh and the hot flashes..oy..last night I had all the doors and windows open and everyone was freezing..I'm saying.."aren't you guys HOT!" They all just look at me like I'm crazy! LOL

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    1. My husband flat out tells me I'm crazy. He'll say, "it's 70 degrees in here, it's not that hot!" If he only knew it was a good 150 and counting inside my body!

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  4. Oh no!!! LOL! I feel the same way!!! It stinks! Some days it's hard for me to get off the couch with all my aches and pains! =(

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    1. I think falling back asleep on the toilet was a sign to me that these mid of the night trips need to stop :D

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  5. LOL, LOL!! Oh bother this cracks me up, I too am right there with you all the way. Hubby says I'm going crazy because I'm hot one minute, cold the next, back goes out, leg hurt, eyes can't see like they use to...heck lets all write a book...lol lol Love this post!

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    1. It just "Came to me" this morning as I was popping two handfuls of vitamins, drinking a cortadita because regular caffeine doesn't cut it anymore and still feeling stiff and painful :). Sadly, it sneaked (isn't sneaked an odd word???)up on me in the last 14.5 years of being a mom. One day I was clubbing, the next I am 37 and the old lady in the shoe :)

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  6. Oh my gosh, this is seriously the funniest thing I have read all week!!!! HAHAHAHA! I love it! And yet, it is so true! I can relate to every single one of them!! Oh shoot, I hate the smirk my husband gets on his face when I have to stop walking, cross my legs and THEN sneeze. Oh good grief. I'd like to see him push three babies out and see if he can sneeze without crossed legs!

    I just loved this post BTW. AWESOME. Thanks for the laugh!

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    1. My favorite is when we travel to town. It's only a 30 minute drive, but I am doing the I'm gonna pee in this seat dance before we reach the nearest gas station with a bathroom. And that's when I haven't drank anything before we leave :P I don't have to tell you what happens if I drink before we go. Let's just say some cows get educated along the way :D

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  7. Too funny! I am right there with you! Especially about being hot all of the time!

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    1. Hot sucks. I feel like I will never be cool again

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  8. Haha at #5! Fresh Prince was my show, our kids' generation will not have anything like it!

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    1. Sadly, they knew who his daughter was and can whip their hair back and forth but have no idea what "The Carlton" is, sigh

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  9. LOL! Oh man, story of my life... I love number 6. I think my version of hell would involve loud techno, smoke machines, and 20-somethings in skanky clothes. Not the bar though. I'm cool with the bar.

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